Dealing with the Jobsite Narcissist: Outsmarting the Bully Without Losing Your Cool

Tiffany Tillema
Oct 13
3 min read

One thing we as women in the trades can count on, even in such a “progressive” world, is running into the bully narcissist.

He (and sometimes she) shows up on the jobsite, in your inbox, or even in your comment section with one goal: to make you look and feel inferior. He’ll try to paint you as the “crazy emotional woman” who doesn’t belong on the crew. He’ll try to drag you into arguments online so he can twist your words and make you look like the problem.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone — and you’re not powerless. The key is learning how to recognize a narcissist’s tricks and quietly pop that ego bubble without ever raising your voice.

Step 1: Learn to Spot the Narcissist

Their main goal is always the same: to look (or more often, feel) superior to you.

Here’s how they show up:

The Bragger: Constantly reminding you he’s the “foreman” or “supervisor,” or name-dropping the higher-ups he’s “close with.” That’s intimidation disguised as confidence.
The One-Upper: No matter what you’ve accomplished, a job, a certification, even something in your personal life, he’s done it better, faster, or “back when it was harder.”
The Saboteur: Subtly undermines your ideas, interrupts your input, or laughs off your achievements in front of others.

Every arrow in their quiver is meant to make you doubt yourself. Your job is to have your own set of arrows and know when or even if you should use them.

Step 2: Do NOT Match Their Energy

This is where most people get trapped.

When someone comes at us with hostility, our gut reaction is to meet it with equal energy. But that’s exactly what they want. Narcissists feed on emotional reactions; it gives them the rush they’re after and the excuse to play the victim when you finally snap.

So instead of reacting, starve them of fuel.

Stay calm. Speak slowly. Keep your tone neutral.

And most importantly, remember it’s not about you. Ninety-nine percent of the time, their behavior comes from their own insecurities. Every insult they throw at you is really a mirror of their own fear of being exposed as less than.

Step 3: Master the Art of the Calm Comeback

You don’t have to confront every insult. In fact, one of the most powerful things you can do is nothing at all.

Let it hang in the air. Let them stew in the silence.

That’s called stonewalling, and it drives them absolutely crazy because it removes their favorite toy — your reaction.

If you do want to respond, try these calm comebacks that flip the script:

“Hmm. Maybe so.”
“Was that meant as an insult?”
“Was that meant to sound hurtful?”
"That was weird."

Or a combination of these. Just keep it short and sweet.

Each one forces them to explain themselves, especially in front of others. It puts them on the defensive, and for once, they’re the one scrambling.

Step 4: The Social Media Trap

This game gets even trickier online. Narcissists love using public comments to bait you into defending yourself.

Here’s a real example: I once welcomed a new female mason to the trade. The first (and only) comment came from a man trying to question how long I’d actually been in the trades — clearly hoping for an argument.

So, I said nothing.

For hours.

And I know he kept checking that post, waiting for a reaction. When I did react, it was simply to say, "That's weird. Did you mean for that to sound hurtful?" No argument, no trying to defend myself. The ball was back in his court, but without an argument or an emotional response, it didn't give him the rush he wanted. All he could come up with was that it was just his opinion. A ridiculous-sounding comeback with no point. I didn't have to make a fuss or get emotional to win; I didn't even have to show my receipts.

That’s how you win online, or in real life, by not giving them the show they want.